You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
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Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
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Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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