Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
