This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
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Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
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the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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