I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
