I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
