I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize