I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Fuck appropriateness.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
