i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just gargled with NyQuil
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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