Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
