I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
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that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
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Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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