I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
