He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize