My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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