ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
