New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
