I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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