Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
