And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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