I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
