made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
