i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
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