Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize