Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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