saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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