how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
