Tell her she can't have a vagina
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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