Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
