I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
