Banned from zoo.
Again?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
