shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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