so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
