Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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