the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
