Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
