You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize