The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Your penis caused this!
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