i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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