My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
