Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
