Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
