Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
