I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
