clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Someone signed my nipple.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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