These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
