i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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