Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
