Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
