she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Text me some of your sweat
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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