...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
