Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
