i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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