Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Im part way to drunk.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You peed on a flamingo?!?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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