oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
