So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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