that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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