what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
