i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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