Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
