Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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